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The What ifs

7 May 14

Created on Feb 13, 2014 & posted on May 7, 2014. I did it.

I
want do something that scares the crap out of me. Not swimming with whale sharks, doing that in June, that’s physical, scary but not a core fear. Not jumping out of plane, again physical, no problem.
People would describe me as brave but I’ve met people who are truly brave, I can list so many, people who walk away from what is safe and known, to fly toward the future with arms wide open.
It is in the possibility that holds the fear. It is the what ifs? And my greatest fear as crazy as unrealistic as it is, not having the money to support myself, being vulnerable to poverty, which for me, means enduring what? Poverty leaves you unable to walk away, to run from what is decent to what is better, maybe, it is the maybe that is scary. It is walking against the messages that you hear, your old, your crazy, you aren’t good enough, what if what you walk to is worse? The fears of the what ifs. Lord help me be brave in the face of the what ifs…..